Neutral

Rolling into the parking lot was, under normal circumstances, an absurdly yellow van. Fortunately for Sebastian and Ferdinand, the parking lot of this bar, “Drunk Till Daylight,” was filled with rainbow and bright colored vehicles making it almost not absurd enough.

“You know what they say, right?” Ferdinand asked Sebastian. “Ninth time is the charm! Just remember I’m not leaving this bar until I’ve kissed at least three guys.” The van slowed down as they found their parking space and started to pull in. “Or it could be more. I wouldn’t mind a little more than kissing.”

Sebastian gave Ferdinand the stink eye as he stopped the van causing the vehicle to gently rock back and forth in the depressed pavement unable to keep its shape from so many cars before parking in the same spot. “I guess that’s a goal.” Slowly, Sebastian took his gaze off of Ferdinand’s smiling face. He looked like he was serious.

“Sebastian, you always have the attitude of a wet sack of potatoes. Did I ever tell you that?” The driver side door opened up and Ferdinand hit the ground rather ungraciously.

“That’s not a saying! That just isn’t a thing!” The passenger side door opened revealing Sebastian stepping out of the vehicle. “And no, you’ve never told me that before.”

“Lighten up, Seebass! We have all the time in the world. The night is young.” Sebastian pulled out his phone and pointed at it. The clock read 12:00AM. “Okay fine, most bars close in an hour but we still have time!”

Their shoes tapped on the pavement leading up to the front doors. All along the outer woodworking were phrases scribbled in marker reading “Mawwiage is wat bwings us togeder!” and “Luv is Luv”. The front door swung open to reveal a wide array of fashion choices from hats far to large to wear in such a small space to anything that showed more skin than not. Many left their shirts unbuttoned showing abs, pecs, and muscles galore.

“Exhibit A.” Ferdinand let his hand take a sweeping motion as if showing off the latest and greatest bodies in history. “If we are not successful it will only be from our own undoing.”

Shoes yet again tapped, this time on old wooden floorboards squeaking but barely heard over the crowd of conversations flooding the old, bright and faded walls. The two men strolled up to the bar. “What can I get for you folks?” the bar tender asked.

“Margaritas please!” Before Sebastian could react Ferdinand tripped him into a stool and gazed into Sebastian’s eyes. “Seebass, did I ever tell you your eyes glow like diamonds? Too bad they are dulled down by your aura.”

Quickly Sebastian pulled his gaze from Ferdinand desperately trying to find a part of the room to stare at that wasn’t in someone else’s eyes. “One day Ferdinand. One day,” Sebastian threatened. His eyes continued to sweep the room until he found a nice group of people sitting in a corner booth. They all looked like they were having the time of their lives. Why did they have to be so cute when they smiled? Sebastian asked himself. “What do you think of that group Ferdy?”

Ferdinand’s head instantly flicked to where Sebastian was pointing. “Nice, not very muscular though.” The bartender gave them their drinks. As Ferdinand started slurping up his margarita he commented, “that hair though. Why can’t I have hair? It’s not fair.” Instinctively Sebastian ran his hand through his luscious locks. “Oh shut up! Not every was blessed with good looks.” Sebastian quickly took his hand down.

As Sebastian stopped ogling the group of impossibly beautiful humans, his eyes stopped on a very familiar face. Brown skin, typical nerd glasses, flat hair, jaw sculpted by an angel, chest as bear as any woman’s. His name was Ricardo. Nothing held a flame to his IQ. Basically a certified genius. Also, Sebastian’s ex boyfriend. “Ferdinand!” whispered Sebastian quietly. “Code red! Code red! Ricardo, 3 o’clock!”

Ferdinand’s head yet again flung instantly in Ricardo’s direction. “Oh hey, that is him! Should we say hi?”

“What? No! Absolutely not! We are leaving now!” Sebastian waved the bar tender over.

“But Sebastian, where’s my three kisses?” Ferdinand whined. The waiter gave the check. It was Sebastian’s turn to pay. “No no, I got this.” Ferdinand took the check.

“Isn’t it my turn?” Sebastian shot Ferdinand a dirty look. “Well at least let me pay for the tip. Just let me go to the bathroom.” Sebastian made his way to the one door labeled “Free For All” accompanied by male and female stereotypical gender symbols.

When Sabastian exited the bathroom, Ferdinand was in the middle of handing the bar tender the check. “Oh no you don’t!” Sebastian swiped the check out of Ferdinand’s hands before it reached the bar tenders and paid for the whole thing. “Nice try. I know it’s mine turn.”

They headed back to the van where Ferdinand, like a child, laid down on the hood complaining. “But Sebastian, I didn’t get one kiss!” Suddenly, Ferdinand fell off the van. It was moving. It slowly toppled off the hill the of the parking lot and started falling towards the McDonald’s located next to the bar.

“You forgot to put the car in park, not neutral, didn’t you?” Sebastian gave a disappointed look as Ferdinand raced down the hill. The van dented the side of the McDonald’s nearly giving a pedestrian a heart attack.

---

The Impromptu section of Sea of Book is a challenge where the author has one hour to write a story based off of three random words. They get no time beforehand to prep and must make a (greater than) 500 word story that somehow incorporates the idea of each word.

This particular challenge used these three randomly generated words: van, tip, and gay.